I've always had a piss fetish. I know I'm fucked up, but until this point in my life, it's always just been porn on my computer, tucked away in hidden folders that no one's ever found. I've also got a thing for abusive and degrading porn. Frankly, the hottest porn to me is when the girl clearly doesn't want to be doing it, but goes through with it anyway.

Well me and my girlfriend have been fighting all week. Absolutely no reason, she's just being a raging bitch about every tiny little thing. Everything's a big drama storm for no reason. Today was the same way. Just bitching constantly for no reason, and this night it turned into a screaming match. And then she started slapping me, and I wound up slapping her back. we were just shoving at each other for a minute, but I absolutely lost it, and I saw nothing but red. I wanted to fucking hurt and humiliate her.

So I slapped her again, grabbed her by the hair, and dragged her into the bathroom, and shoved her into the tub until she was laying flat on her back. I got in and pinned her under me, kneeling over her chest with her arms at her side, and pulled out my dick and started pissing in her face. She reacted about how you'd expect, with a 'wtf' cringing and struggling. So I slapped her again, hard. And again. and told her to open her mouth, and when she didn't, I slapped her again, and she did. I started pissing into her mouth again, and she closed it and cringed away, so I slapped her AGAIN, just about as hard as I could, and told her to open herfucking mouth. I told her to swallow when I started pissing again, and reared up like I was going to slap her again while I pissed. She swallowed it all until I was done.

At this point, I figure, I'm already going to prison right? I lost my temper, and that was that, I was done. But since I'm about as turned on as I'd ever been, I figure I might as well enjoy this scene while I'm there, her hair and face wet with piss, slapped beat red, and crying her eyes out.

So I jerked off onto her face. It took me a minute too, and she just stared at me, crying, until i came all over her. Then I pushed the cum into her mouth, and she swallowed without me having to tell her too. I also rubbed cum in her eyes for good measure (I heard that stings really bad).

And then I left. Went out, changed my pants, sat on the couch, and just. sat. Quietly, waiting for her to get up the courage to get out of that tub and go call the cops. I wouldn't have stopped her.

Instead, I heard the bathroom door shut, and the shower start up. I thought she was killing herself. It crossed my mind to intervene, but self-preservation made me let it takes its course.

She didn't kill herself though. The shower stopped, and she came out in her bath robe, hot pink (the shower must have been very hot) and her face still puffy from crying/eyes red and swollen (from the cum I guess). This is where it gets surreal. to me at least. She comes over in her robe, and curls up at my side quietly, laying across the couch, like I DIDN'T just beat the shit out of her and use her as a toilet. She starts stroking her fingers across my back, and says really quietly "I'm sorry I was such a bitch today...you know I love you" I honestly had no idea how to react. I just reached down and stroked her arm while she stroked my back. After a few minutes of quiet, she climbed over and started kissing my penis, and then climbed on top of me. We had sex three times, good sex too,

She's in bed right now like nothing happened.

Where the fuck do I go from here? This is like some fucked up dream where nothing makes sense

I was lonelier than Kunta Kinte at a Merle Haggard concert
That night I strolled on into Uncle Limpy's Hump Palace lookin' for love.
It had been a while.
In fact, three hundred and sixty-five had come and went
since that midnight run haulin' hog to Shakey Town on I-10.
I had picked up this hitchhiker that was sweatin' gallons
through a pair of Daisy Duke cut-offs and one of those Fruit Of The Loom tank-tops.
Well, that night I lost myself to ruby red lips,
milky white skin and baby blue eyes.
Name was Russell.

Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Well I find it's quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

Well, faster than you can say, "shallow grave",
this pretty little thing come up to me and starts kneadin' my balls
like hard-boiled eggs in a tube sock.
Said her name was Bambi and I said, "Well that's a coincidence darlin',
'cause I was just thinkin' about skinnin' you like a deer."
Well she smiled, had about as much teeth as a Jack-O-Lantern,
and I went on to tell her how I would wear her face like a mask
as I do my little kooky dance.
And then she told me to shush.
I guess she could sense my desperation.
'Course, it's hard to hide a hard-on when you're dressed like Minnie Pearl.

Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Well I find it's quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

So, Bambi's goin' on about how she can make all my fantasies come true.
So I says, "Even this one I have where Jesus Christ
is jackhammering Mickey Mouse in the doo-doo hole
with a lawn dart as Garth Brooks gives birth to something
resembling a cheddar cheese log with almonds on Santa Claus's tummy-tum?"
Well, ten beers, twenty minutes and thirty dollars later
I'm parkin' the beef bus in tuna town if you know what I mean.
Got to nail her back at her trailer.
Heh. That rhymes.
I have to admit it was even more of a turn-on
when I found out she was doin' me to buy baby formula.

Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Well I find it's quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

Day or so had passed when I popped the clutch,
gave the tranny a spin and slid on into
The Stinky Pinky Gulp N' Guzzle Big Rig Snooze-A-Stop.
There I was browsin' through the latest issue of "Throb",
when I saw Bambi starin' at me from the back of a milk carton.
Well, my heart just dropped.
So, I decided to do what any good Christian would.
You can not imagine how difficult it is to hold a half gallon of moo juice
and polish the one-eyed gopher when your doin' seventy-five
in an eighteen-wheeler.
I never thought missing children could be so sexy.
Did I say that out loud?

Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Well I find it's quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

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well only one person reads this so its basicly just to them.
but i hate being jelous with all diffrent situations.
i was stupid to even think i had a chance.
not just with her but with many things.
i need to stop lying to myself.
i have to stop telling myself things i WANT to be true,
and start telling myself things that ARE true.
that will save me alot of mental battles.

still depression is awful.
but i may have something that can fix that.
but i dont know if i want to take that risk.



i mean if i do get addicted i can just throw them out....right?

Current Mood: crushed

i  dident want it to mean this much to me.

im sorry im jelous.
and im sorry i cant control my own feelings.

emotions are for losers anyway.